Budgeting Self
When I see something in a store that I want, I immediately start shuffling my budget around in my head. If I saved a little here or a little more there, then maybe I could wing it next month. Or if I skimp on this other thing, maybe I could afford it now. There is a financial give and take for any item that I want to buy. Money is limited. It doesnt just grow on trees, if you hadnt heard yet. I have a set amount of cash to do a list of things with. I choose where I spend that cash and how and I make conscious decisions about its use.
Yet somehow, when it comes down to my personal resources – my energy, my time, my emotional capactiy or my spiritual cohesiveness, it is not natural for me to do the same budgeting. Im beginning to do it. When I was dx with Aspergers Syndrome and became aware of just how much certain things deplete the resources of my mind, emotions and spirit, I learned the value of rationing those resources. Still, though, it doesnt feel normal to me to turn something down because I wont have the energy to do it. Deciding that I cant do or have something within myself due to limited personal resources doesnt feel as acceptable to me as deciding that I cant buy something because of the amount of money it costs.
Society doesnt teach us to ration our Selves. Our society tells us to go, go, go and do, do, do. Someone is always partying somewhere. Someone is always aware of some aspect of something that they think everyone should be aware of. Someone is always shining at how well they raise a family or how well they do at their career. If it were left to society, wed all somehow manage to be successful career people while raising a healthy, loving family while having an extravagant night life while staying on top of our yoga and prana breathing exercises and working out 5 times a week all without breaking a sweat. That just isnt realistic.
I want a lot of things that arent manageable for me. Simple things like – I want a puppy. I couldnt possibly manage a puppy right now. I want to buy plants and pot them. I can barely take care of the ones I have right now. I want to do a website for a friend. I dont have the time or the energy. I have to be able to make the decision that I cannot do some things because I dont have enough of myself to budget for those things.
At least Im figuring that out now. It only took me 23 years to notice it and another 4 to start figuring out how to make it a regular practice. Balancing desire against intangible resources isnt something our society teaches – but it should be.
